The Pain of Perfectionism
Ok…so I have been rediscovering my love of Pintrest! I don’t know about you , but I love that place! It is full of great ideas, awesome projects, and a sense of inspiration! However, I really think that it also brings a sense of failure. Sometimes I find it leave me thinking I don’t craft enough, play with my girls enough, or make enough learning moments. Does anyone else think that? Well I do. It is awful and I know that I should really just keep myself sane, but really it happens. I don’t feel like I am doing a very good parenting job. After all, we really aren’t having amazing play time with them, I am don’t tell them that its ok to cry all the time, and I sure as heck make sure that the house is clean (which it taking time away from them right?). But then I stop. My kids are happy, smart, creative, and engaged. I don’t do everything right, in fact I don’t do a lot of the things that all those beautiful parenting articles on Pintrest tell me I should. But I love my kids and I think that they know that despite my not being the perfect mom. Then I thought that the thing that I am being plagued with is perfectionism plain and simple! It is something that has plagued man since the beginning of time and I don’t why I should be exempt from it. Perfectionism….the irony of this is that I have been thinking so much about how to help Bunny not worry so much about doing everything perfectly in her school work! Yet here I am doing the same thing. Ok….I am not throwing a fit that I didn’t do it right, but I may be cringing, even crying on the inside. So I guess we are more alike then I thought. So what do we do? I will never do all the amazing art projects and take hours a day to play with my kids. You may never spend hours making Montessori materials or cooking homemade baked goods. But does it really matter? Just like I try to calm Bunny down by telling her that she doesn’t need to do everything right every time, I should also realized that I am not going to be perfect…..ever! And its ok. I think that we really over pressed to be a perfect mommy by making sure that our kids have every opportunity and be that in the back yard or in a class, we are all trying to kill ourselves to make it happen. Why? Does it matter? We are moms, doing our best to love and care for our kids…..the best way we know how for us! So here’s is all to you hard working moms out there! Here’s to not letting perfectionism make us (or our kids) crazy! Here is to parenting! Its the best!
September 10, 2013 @ 7:17 pm
I love this blog post because it is so honest. One thing I’d like to say or ask is who on earth said that doing activities with our kids is what we “should” be doing? Who on earth said that Pinterest holds the key to what is good and perfect? I think that society has conditioned us to look to outside sources for guidance when really the answers are on the inside. Personally, I tried to do many Montessori activities at home with my child. I found that after hours of prep time, my kid just didn’t want to do those activities. At first I felt like a failure. But after I thought about it, I came to the conclusion that the only expert in my life is ME. We can read all the parenting books we want and read through a million articles and pins on Pinterest, but what our kids really want the most is love.
Just recently my dad had a liver transplant and I am his main caretaker. We were struggling with whether to put our five year old in school part time or full time. In the end, I chose full time Montessori. We still do the reading lesson and I’ve really been wanting to do some more art stuff, but we are just now starting to get back to normalcy after the transplant.
I guess what I’m getting at is that we all have life situations that make being “perfect” impossible. So instead of doing a million art activities right now, I’m doing NONE. And I refuse to let that guilty mom feeling take over.
I love your blog and hope that you cut yourself some slack. You are not a robot. You don’t need Pinterest to tell you how to be a great mom, cause in your kids eyes, you already are.
September 11, 2013 @ 1:38 am
Awww….thanks Fanny. I really just go through periods where I start reading a lot of blog posts by other amazing parents who are sharing what their position is on a parenting. But I find myself starting to question what I do. It is in these moments I need to mentally slap myself and remind myself that I am the mom that I need to be! Thanks so much for reminding me of that! It sounds like you are doing an amazing job with the struggles that are going on in your life! Your family is lucky to have you! Thanks so much for your kind words and support!
September 15, 2013 @ 4:28 pm
Yeah, I have my “Pinterest days” as well. I have used a few ideas from there and I’ve incorporated a parenting mix of Montessori and Waldorf in my home. I totally understand where you are coming from. I think over time I have become a cherry picker and also realize that a lot of the people who blog or post things on Pinterest have a completely different life situation than I do. Also, we all have to remember that bloggers, myself included are mostly publishing the highlights. A really cool blog I’ve followed is confessiomsofahomeschooler.com. The author admits to posting on what she wants the audience to see and that there are plenty of days that her house needs to be cleaned and laundry starts stacking up and the dishes need to be done. There are only 24 hours in a day and as moms have our own priorities to pick and choose. It’s western indoctrination that teaches us to be so critical of ourselves. So if you ever feel overwhelmed try doing a zen mommy meditation if you are open to it.
Love your blog. I get a lot out of reading it. : ) thanks for posting.
September 18, 2013 @ 12:03 pm
Hi Franny! I totally agree with you about being a cherry picker! I tend to pick here and there too. I’m so glad that I am not the only one who gets this way sometimes! The weird thing is that, as a blogger, I KNOW that everyone else is just posting the good stuff and sharing their personal life situations. I know because I think that there are people who feel like things are perfect here! lol! It is just what we show (after all, who takes pictures of the laundry and the dishes?). But sometime, human nature kicks in and….well you feel aweful! 🙂 Thankfully, there are lots of great people out there who support and care! Thanks so very much for your comments!
September 25, 2013 @ 1:35 am
I too have had problems with perfectionism. Recently I read a devotional by Lisa Terkeurst from her book “Unglued”. She talked about “imperfect progress.” For some reason that really struck me deep. Now when I look around at all I am working on instead of focusing on how it doesn’t measure up I remember that it is progress and imperfect progress is better than giving up or being stuck.
Another one of her devotions this week read,”Sometimes I feel guiltier for what I’m not than thankful for what I am.” That has also helped me refocus my attention too.
Hope this helps you as much as it has me!
September 26, 2013 @ 12:54 am
Excelent thought Anna! I love the thought of being thankful for the progress we have made! Joyce Myer often says “I am not where I want to be, but thank God that I am not where I was”! Thanks so much for stopping by!