Updates on Life
Well I had plans to write a beautiful, fun post all about our making ice cream the other day, but I really am feeling pretty down and I thought I’d share a bit about why I have been less then chatty lately. You see, May hit me with a pretty lovely case of burnout. I had been warned all year that it would hit if I kept going on with all the commitments I had and I didn’t listen. Everything needed me so much! And I did finish up all the commitments I had to the best of my abilities, but that took a huge toll. That toll was that I was DONE! I needed a break. There was nothing left to give. We finished up school work, I got their test scores back, I closed up the Atrium for the summer, and I crawled into my house with intention to hole ourselves up for a summer of nothing. And that is what I did here. In the my own words to the director of the church I just wanted to “pack it all up and burn it all down”. Now that isn’t a healthy attitude is it? So we stayed home and I did the only that I felt was calling to me….scrapbooked. I had a whole year and half of photos that were not in albums and that really bothered me. Now I hear some of you saying that you have years, maybe even decades out there to do, but I was really avid scrapbooker a few years ago. I had a whole album scrapped and ready for Bunny before she was even born. I just needed photos. So for me to have 18 months of photos just irritated me to no end. So I sat down and while the girls played to their hearts content, I sat on my computer and put together page after page of pictures. It was refreshing and yet the guilt clawed at me. I was literally spending hours on the computer. Not exactly the mom of the year. However, the more I thought about it, the more I saw that if I didn’t do something that was not just for me I was never going to get out of this horrible burned out, drained feeling. While I was battling this, I also realized that I have about all of the symptoms of a thyroid disorder. Sigh….I have always battled with keeping my hormones balanced and I take a replacement pill as it is, but this was taken to a whole new level. I was SO exhausted and incapable of getting my body to move. Right now I feel like I have run a marathon and all I did today was clean the house. It is a total body weariness that permeates down to every muscle I have. (Much like being pregnant, but without the sweet baby). It slow my mind and my ability to think and react. I am forgetting words, dropping things, and my typing is horrible! The effort of maintaining normal things like laundry and dinner seem like big accomplishments and it bothers me that I am like this. However, since I cannot afford all the tests and specialists to fix this, I am just learning to work with it. Some days are really good, others not so much. Today, not so much. My sister has been helping me research some natural helps. Exercises is a good one and there are some food that make it better/worse. So I am working on it. But all of this combined has led me to a very low key type summer! We have played a lot with friends, done a lot of art (12 straight days of rain requires some creative indoor fun), and had lots of watery fun! But there has been nothing too exciting, and “blog worthy”, plus by the time I start to blog at night, I am too tired to think it all through. So that is why I have been really quite here this summer! I am however starting to come out of some of the burnout and learning to work with the hormonal lows! Thank the Lord God! I was able to start my school planning, and start planning ideas for the Atrium next year (It will be far less days a week for sure)! I am staring to get excited and I am so happy to feel like there are some normal bits coming back! So if you are the praying type, send up a prayer for me! I am striving to get back on track and be normal. I know that this is a kind of a downer post, but I wanted to share what is happening here! Its days like this I wish I really was super mom! I will be back to tomorrow with Ice Creaming making (which is always yummy)! I hope to see you back then! I will be back to my happy self (more or less)! Happy Summer to you all!
PS the pictures are some that were from the fourth of July! My dear blog deleted the post three times, so I gave up! (Yes I rewrote it three times). The pictures however are of the bike parade they had!
July 13, 2013 @ 3:02 am
Definitely will say a prayer for you. Be good to yourself!
July 14, 2013 @ 1:40 pm
Thanks Michele! I appreciate that a lot!
Amy @ No Greater Honors
July 13, 2013 @ 7:35 pm
I completely understand! Sometimes (okay, most times) we think about giving the kids a break for the summer, and don’t often realize how much we need a break as well! That is, until we finally get to where we can’t handle anymore! I have spent the last six weeks trying to tell myself that I need to get busy and that we aren’t getting anything done that I planned initially for the summer, and it took almost all that time to realize that life just got busy and we all needed a break. When the kiddos started asking to do more ‘school’ again, I realized we had the time we needed, and I no longer dreaded the thought of re-organizing and finding some fun learning things to do for the rest of the summer. As far as hormones – I understand that, too 🙂 I would definitely look into some natural ways to supplement what you may not be making enough of – that can make such a HUGE difference in your day! Don’t feel bad for the time you NEEDED to take off – if you don’t give yourself a break now and then, everyone will suffer for it – I promise! Praying that you will be able to find the right answers to what can help you, and that you overall still get to enjoy your summer!
July 14, 2013 @ 1:59 pm
You are so right Amy. We do need a break too! I’m glad that you were able to take a break too! I have been feeling better and I know that it is going to really make a big difference later on! Thanks so much for your prayers!
July 14, 2013 @ 7:00 am
Oh friend! Being there..done that!!There are days that you wonder…my house is a mess again..didn’t I clean it yesterday, what happened? Or days when you just want some quiet time and do what ever you want to do, watch a good comedy and eat candy all day but you feel like you can”t because life won’t let you.
Whenever I feel like I am getting overworked at home I tell my husband to take the kids out for an afternoon, as soon as they leave I do absolutely nothing…i just relax.
I think you should go and have a coffee, go shopping, doll up and go to the movies with a friend or your sister, forget about the house and the chores for an afternoon. It totally changes your mood.
You also can ask somebody to watch the kids and go and have a date with your hubby..just have some you time.
Hope you feel better and happier soon
July 14, 2013 @ 2:04 pm
Fabulous advise! I went to a movie this week with my sister and some friends! It was really great! There is so much to be said for getting a chance to get away for a bit! And you are right, I have been thinking that I need to let go of some things in the house! It just gets really overwhelming sometimes doesn’t it! Thanks for you sweet words!
July 20, 2013 @ 3:22 am
Hang in there Steph…I understand the over commitments…I feel sometimes I want to quite it “all” but then I wonder who will do it, and everyone is counting on me, etc. I planned a whirl wind one day VBS last week and that was pretty exhausted. All the older ladies asked where the other moms were to help..I said, well, they are working..Friday is my day off usually so I was the only one to do it. I feel the pressure…we are changing our catechism structure this year to WEEKLY and I’m not sure even how to pounce on that..even though I am the one who is pushing for it! lol – I think it will make it easier and more consistent. I have a new curriculum that is weekly supported, so that will help. I know exactly how you feel. I came home and didn’t even want to sort out the church stuff..in fact it was in my van up until this morning…lol..now it’s in the garage! I like to be busy, but I also have to remember WHY I am busy, and it is for GOD and for my family. If it starts to take away from either one, then I have to take a step back. I even backed out of some meetings because it meant more time away from my family and I have to choose what part of me will be more productive.
I am sorry for your physical pain..I hope you can find a healing and energy source. I will keep you in my prayers. I wish we lived closer so I could have your girls for a day!! If they ever want to spend the night for a night, let me know!! I’m sure they would have a blast and Ellie would LOVE it..and of course, we have cats…lol…we could meet half way at my parents so it would make the drive a bit easier.
July 20, 2013 @ 8:31 pm
Awww thanks Jen. I have been feeling a little bit more energetic with some of the herbal stuff I started taking, so that was really good! Plus, taking a huge break helped a lot. I pretty much told everyone no and only did the stuff that I needed too. It made a huge difference! I hope your weekly program is going to work out for you guys. I have been thinking that the monthly thing at our church isn’t working too well. You will have to let me know what happens with it! The girls would love a spend the night sometime. Maybe when things slow down a bit! lol. We will have to at least get together for some play time soon! Love ya!