Well I had plans to write a beautiful, fun post all about our making ice cream the other day, but I really am feeling pretty down and I thought I’d share a bit about why I have been less then chatty lately. You see, May hit me with a pretty lovely case of burnout. I had been warned all year that it would hit if I kept going on with all the commitments I had and I didn’t listen. Everything needed me so much! And I did finish up all the commitments I had to the best of my abilities, but that took a huge toll. That toll was that I was DONE! I needed a break. There was nothing left to give. We finished up school work, I got their test scores back, I closed up the Atrium for the summer, and I crawled into my house with intention to hole ourselves up for a summer of nothing. And that is what I did here. In the my own words to the director of the church I just wanted to “pack it all up and burn it all down”. Now that isn’t a healthy attitude is it? So we stayed home and I did the only that I felt was calling to me….scrapbooked. I had a whole year and half of photos that were not in albums and that really bothered me. Now I hear some of you saying that you have years, maybe even decades out there to do, but I was really avid scrapbooker a few years ago. I had a whole album scrapped and ready for Bunny before she was even born. I just needed photos. So for me to have 18 months of photos just irritated me to no end. So I sat down and while the girls played to their hearts content, I sat on my computer and put together page after page of pictures. It was refreshing and yet the guilt clawed at me. I was literally spending hours on the computer. Not exactly the mom of the year. However, the more I thought about it, the more I saw that if I didn’t do something that was not just for me I was never going to get out of this horrible burned out, drained feeling. While I was battling this, I also realized that I have about all of the symptoms of a thyroid disorder. Sigh….I have always battled with keeping my hormones balanced and I take a replacement pill as it is, but this was taken to a whole new level. I was SO exhausted and incapable of getting my body to move. Right now I feel like I have run a marathon and all I did today was clean the house. It is a total body weariness that permeates down to every muscle I have. (Much like being pregnant, but without the sweet baby). It slow my mind and my ability to think and react. I am forgetting words, dropping things, and my typing is horrible! The effort of maintaining normal things like laundry and dinner seem like big accomplishments and it bothers me that I am like this. However, since I cannot afford all the tests and specialists to fix this, I am just learning to work with it. Some days are really good, others not so much. Today, not so much. My sister has been helping me research some natural helps. Exercises is a good one and there are some food that make it better/worse. So I am working on it. But all of this combined has led me to a very low key type summer! We have played a lot with friends, done a lot of art (12 straight days of rain requires some creative indoor fun), and had lots of watery fun! But there has been nothing too exciting, and “blog worthy”, plus by the time I start to blog at night, I am too tired to think it all through. So that is why I have been really quite here this summer! I am however starting to come out of some of the burnout and learning to work with the hormonal lows! Thank the Lord God! I was able to start my school planning, and start planning ideas for the Atrium next year (It will be far less days a week for sure)! I am staring to get excited and I am so happy to feel like there are some normal bits coming back! So if you are the praying type, send up a prayer for me! I am striving to get back on track and be normal. I know that this is a kind of a downer post, but I wanted to share what is happening here! Its days like this I wish I really was super mom! I will be back to tomorrow with Ice Creaming making (which is always yummy)! I hope to see you back then! I will be back to my happy self (more or less)! Happy Summer to you all!
PS the pictures are some that were from the fourth of July! My dear blog deleted the post three times, so I gave up! (Yes I rewrote it three times). The pictures however are of the bike parade they had!